Yours truly,

Hello. For this entry, I'm just gonna confess everything that im feeling at the moment, no point of view, no telling facts, because I'm not in the mood to do so. I got nowhere dah to express my feeling. I'm feeling miserable at best. I stay up all night long, thinking what may happen in the future.. *sigh*

24/11/2010

I don't know what's got into me today. I woke up in the morning, thinking bout last night punya text. I was wondering what is he going to say. Thinking zzz.. I sent him a text. And then I went to the toilet, get ready for the Gym Session.

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Fiqa buat surprise apa datang wangsa walk! Dahla at the gym pulak, haha nak tak nak Ive to stop workout, takkan nak biar dia tunggu. Then we went to KLCC, teman Fiqa and Munir dating. Why am I always the one yang teman orang dating, I wonder jugak. Im feeeling so goddam pathetic, I'm speechless. Then jumpa Fifa. So good to see them, I miss them, big time.

Okay for the rest of the day, I was not okay. My mind keep wondering about him? I don't know why.
At night lagi parah, I decided not to go to Zuhair's party. Im so not in the mood for party or to meet Mwt's friends or senang kata I wanna be alone. I went to my room, feeling goddamm melodramatic. I just stare at the phone, hoping something I was expecting to happen. But it didnt. I understand, really understand that theyre having SPM at the moment, and I should never complain. Dahla esok paper Sejarah. I know, i know. But my goddam sensitive heart ( I HATE IT) mcm tak reti2 nak faham. I waited for him. Then I got a text. I didnt show any enthusiasm when  replying his text, I was in the pain, I cant act all fine. But he's to naive to notice that. I didnt blame you, seriously. After his text, I just don't know what to do, I just stare at the ceiling, feeling numb. Then, after that, I felt a great feeling of pain strike through me. Oh god, why is it really painful to love someone, really really painful. I can't help my self and I'm drown in tears. For the whole night. Whole night. I'm very2 sad, the more I love him, the more pain I get. Why does my heart aching? He takes good care of me, really. But I just dont know why I keep feeling the emotional pain. I always blame myself for this. I keep giving him problems, I keep worrying him, it's like I'm a burden to him. Am I? I used to say Love is a Burden. And now I think I am a burden to him. I feel like killing myself. I don't wanna hurt him. What should I do?

S.O.S

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Yours truly,

xxx