Burn, baby, burn.

Assumptions, Why am I afraid of this word. No, I'm not afraid of the word. I'm afraid of the meaning. I dislike assumptions. I hate assumptions to be more exact. Yes, they said we didn't live to please everybody. I'm not an ignorant, but.. I just hate assumptions. 

Throughout all these tough years in MRSM, I've heard so many rumours about me. Some of them are good, some of them, beyond negative! Fake! They're being so judgemental. Maybe that has shaped me to be a 'trying-to-please-everyone' girl. Rationally, why do you need to please those who is not related to you? 

The closest examples I can give are; 

Last time, I decided to colour my hair. I thought of transforming it to Red Vivid, or light purple. Haha, crazy right? But then, as I entered the salon, I thought to myself, "Haih, what will the society think when they see me with such hair colour?" Having random thoughts, finally I chose a violet black colour. Do you know how does violet black looks like? It's just black colour, but a little bit of violet when the hair is exposed under the sun, or  you can see a little bit of violet if you look closely. And the fun part is, my BASE hair colour is already black. So, Violet Black applied to Black? Exactly, originally black. Lol, my RM200 just wasted like that. Only because I'm afraid of what will others think when they see my vivid hair colour. Sad, isn't it?

I am an active Tumblr n Twitter user. Of course, I use both to express my current feelings, or opinions. There are several times when I did draft few tweets. The moment when I wanna click the 'send' button is when the hesitation occur. And again, I thought "What would they think if I tweet like this? Or maybe someone might get hurt by my statement. Or maybe they will look down on me if I tweet like this." Too many "maybe" and "what ifs". Thus, I decided not to send the the tweets.

Stating the obvious, yes, I have kinda low self-confidence.

Seriously, I don't even want to please everybody. I live my own life and so do you. But then again, I can't help it. I'm not even the nice-girl type. Not even close to it, I think. Now, I'm really looking forward to enter college. So I can re-shaped my attitude. Be more tough, gain more self-confidence. Less socially awkward. Less reserved. Maybe I should have less negative assumptions? Cause this bad perception about me really disturb my emotion. Thus, I can't really focus in my studies thinking how to resolve this so-called problem. Stupid! That's the word. I should be more invincible. I should.

Everyday is a War to me.

My mind, its the Battlefield. 

When and where can I find tranquillity?