Saturday, December 31, 2011

Don't be such a Two-Faced Bitch

Obviously, tonight I have a lot in mind. Proves by 3 entries I posted tonight during this New Year. Well, lots of thing happening around me right now. Regarding to the title above, do you hear me? Or you want me to scream?

DON'T BE SUCH A TWO-FACED BITCH

I'm not pointing this to anyone. In fact nobody has been a two faced bitch towards me, as far as I know. Someone closely related to me has been back-stabbed by her own used to be best friend. In fact, some of my best friend had experienced this too. 

Me, being too concern about this issue, have decided to speak out tonight! Haha bajet jewwwww!

Anyway why do you want to be a two-faced bitch by any chance? Sorry if I'm calling you Bitch, but that is the only word suits with you! Serves you well, a civilized human won't be a two-faced. You might said that by calling someone Bitch would make me an uncivilized human too. But let's look it this way, don't just point the word 'Bitch' as someone who is slutty, sexy, prostitute and stuff like that. For me, the word Bitch refer to an uncivilized woman who does not know how to behave like a woman and tend to do things that upset other people. Not fair. 

Why do you want to be a two-faced person? :( Oh I know, you are too "Coward" to confront the people you are not satisfied with. In front of him/her, you will act nicely, and you seem to have an attitude like a saint. Asalannya, niat mu baik kan, yakni tak nak menyakitkan hati orang tu, ataupun terlampau takut untuk bercakap? As a result, you will keep it to yourself and act like nothing happened.

At one fine moment, you just can't keep it to yourself anymore, you feel like exploding. You wish to freeze the time, and hit that person in the face. And you will feel satisfied. But you just can't. You really don't know what to do. You hate her but at the same time you don't want to hurt her. Funny shit! Then, what do you do after that?

Wrong moves sister, you go to other people, you let it out every thing, every single shits that you have been keeping in your raging heart. Often, you will exaggerate things, making the story more interesting to be heard, and by that way, you are influencing that people to believe you. To actually believe you that you are 100% right and the other is 100% wrong and she/he is a complete devil. Whoah that person buys your story, he/she believes you and they started to plant a thought in their mind that

OH MY, saying that person and this person really makes things go hair wire haha. Lets name the two faced person as LUCY and the one she's unsatisfied as NINA and the person Lucy confessed is MARIA. Okay? haha

So, at last Maria buys Lucy's story. And Maria started to plant a thought in her mind that Nina is a bitch, Nina is the devil, Nina is wrong, this and that. Whoah hold it right there, this is what we called mengaibkan orang. Bukankah Islam mengajar kita untuk tidak mengaibkan orang lain? *Angel-face* Okay sambung cerita, so the story goes on and one. Lucy feels satisfied that Maria believes her and on her side. The satisfaction in her has created a driving force and urges her to let it out to other person. 

And the story goes on and on..

So the rumours spread. Everyone believes Lucy. Everyone thinks that Nina is a bad person. Walhal, mereka hanya mendengar daripada satu side, masakan mahu mengejudge sebegitu cepat? Oh, tidak adil. Lucy's rage and anger towards Nina maybe has been decreased. She's fine now and she's glad that Nina doesn't know a single things. Everything's settle already. 

Whoah, pause it right there!

Stupid Lucy, she actually hurts Nina worse by doing that. Bad news travel fast, of course Nina will knows about all the rumours spread about her. Bila Nina knows about this, *BOOOM* Things get worse, gaduh here and there. Semua persahabatan musnah begitu sahaja, just because of a single wrong move that Lucy did  at the first place.

Well, if only Lucy confront Nina at the first place and settle everything. She won't be labelled as a two-faced bitch. In fact, she will be labelled as good friend because good friend will always reminds you and corrects you. But she just screwed it all.

Haha, maaflah panjang beno post ni. Emo terlebih ni. Kesian that someone, she doesn't deserves all the panggilan, and tuduhan yang begitu kejam!

Ya Allah, lindungilah kawan-kawanku dan kaum kerabatku, amin.

Sleep


Have you ever experienced this?

When you are sleeping, your peripheral nervous system does not operating at all. I mean Hibernate. But in certain occasion, your mind is operating 100% but your body is still sleeping soundly.

You try to move so hard but your body just won't listen to your mind.
You're panic.
Suddenly, your mind leads to mystical stuff, specifically supernatural stuff.
You want to open your eyes but you're afraid if you open your eyes, you will see something.. Something that you don't want to see, ever.
You start to sleep again.. Hoping that when you open your eyes, everything would turn out normal again. And at that fine moment, you will never ever go back to sleep again.

One Second..
Two Second..
Three Second..
Zzzz.
'Whoah, alhamdulillah I can finally move my body back!'


Jadi, adakah anda pernah merasai ini? Apakah sebab berlakunya ini?

Okay, in our Malaysian society, our mind has fixed with all the folklore stories, mystical stories, spiritual and supernatural. When we explained this situation to old folks, most of the time, they will answer, "Ini kes kena himpit dengan syaitan ni." Honestly, I tak layak nak comment this. But, if we look from this aspect, maybe there is actually some rights in this statement. Maybe its because we didn't recite our doa before going to bed, or we didn't wash our feet or take the wudhu' before we go to bed. I also believe in this statement. Maybe in certain occasion, this could happened.

But despite all of that, there is also a scientific explanation. This is what we called the "Sleep Paralaysis" or sleep disorder. It is very common actually. Let me share this stuff with you :)

In a simpler words, sleep paralysis is defined as the inability to move your muscles during sleep, called hypnogogic or upon awakening called hypnopompic.

It is closely related to Rapid Eye Movement atonia. Let's skip that part shall we? I think you can google that for yourself :p 

Now lets jump to the causes. From what I read, 
During sleeping, our face is positioned upward
I'm not a medical student nor an ustazah to explain this. But hey, cube fikir balik, kenapa Nabi Muhammad nasihat kita supaya tidur arah kanan? See, everything has their own reason. Hehe.
Due to excessive stress
This is common cause, I've also heard of this before. Maybe our mind and body is too weak due to excessive stress. So, people, this can lead to sleep paralysis. That's why we have to control our stress. :)
Sudden environmental change
Mimpi yang berepisod dan sering dimimpikan lol :p
Hang banyak sangat minum alkohol -,-

Okay, those are the causes and a very..lol very brief explanation. I'm sorry I've just wrote what I know based on reading and listening to these Medical students I'm lepak-ing with now in Ireland. Lol, menarik kan activity new year I? Lepak and talk about medical stuff :P

Anyway this disorder can worsen and lead to Narcolepsy. Google them ;)
This is a piece of advice, it works for me. When thing like this happens, close your eyes, recites ayat Kursi dalam hati, have faith in Allah, and insyaAllah, with God's will you can wake 100% again. :)
xoxo


Sea Lion

Hello everybody.
I went to Howt just now with Nadia, Fitry and Ali. Initially, we wanted to see the sunset by the sea. Luck was not on our side as the wind was too strong, it was too cold and there was no sun at all. Shit. But that's okay, I was struggling to restrain myself from falling down due to shitty temperature. So fucking cold I tell you. Like really cold plus the strong wind. I barely felt my hand. They were freezing. But that's okay also. It's winter, duhh. 

Okay, I forgot to tell you about this place, hihi sorry. Howt is actually a port if I'm not mistaken. There were sea, lots of yacht, sea gulls, lots of restaurant, fish market, fish chowder :3, sea lion and lots of people. Oh, and there were few lighthouse! Hihi, I always wanted to see a lighthouse. I've been reading about it and I'm really excited the fact that I can actually stand beside a real lighthouse! Whoah :D 

The exciting part about this place is there are lots of sea lions! I never seen one actually. They told me that we can actually feed these creatures. Well, I'm ready with my 450D. When I got there, I was really excited I was  the one who stepped out of the car and feel like running towards the sea. But due to extreme coldness, I was restricted to run, or even walk fastly -.- So, in my imagination, there must be lots of happy lil sea lions at the bay swimming here and there. And there must be lots of cute lil kiddies who get so excited seeing this animal flapping their hands~

 Well, indah khabar dari rupa. I'm not saying that Howt is a disastrous place. No, it is actually a beautiful place, beautiful scenery. But too bad about the sea lion part. I saw only one sea lion! And nobody actually gave any food to this lil monster. I saw its eyes and suddenly I felt that we were connected~ Lol imagination? I don't know. I saw sadness in its eyes and it was as if it was delivering some kind of message to me. Its body were half covered with oil. The sea was kind of polluted with rubbish but it was still treatable.

Hey, event though they are only animal, they also deserve good and clean environment like us. Do you like to live in a dirty environment? No, right? So are they. They are living things too! Don't you learn Biology? Human and Animal belongs to the same group which is a Biotic Component. Thus, they have the right to demand a clean environment. Biotic and Abiotic Component complete each other. Thus, we have to help each other. Abiotic component gives us habitat, oxygen to breath and many more, you list out for me. Biotic component like animal and plant provides us with source of protein, and much much more. In return, what do we provide them? Think about that. We human, what do we contribute to them? 

Well, if we don't have the ability to provide them with anything, at least just don't disturb their life, lol. I mean do not harm them, and don't do things that will upset them. They have feelings too you know. Its kind of sad seeing animals being hunted and being caged. I'm sorry but I'm really a sensitive person and I can easily touched and cry looking at them being harmed.~

The point is, save the environment. It is never too late to do the right thing! Hehe.


Ps : Pictures will be uploaded soon in my Facebook. And most of them would be in Black and White. Enjoy ;)


Oh, and Happy New Year to all of you! 
ps: New Year kita ingat, Tahun Baru Islam pun kena ingat jugak ;)


Friday, December 30, 2011

Kawan baik saya yang baik hati dan comel

Saya mempunyai seorang kawan karib. Beliau diberi nama Husna al-Najah. Anda mesti tertanya-tanya mengapa saya memanggilnya seorang yang baik hati dan comel. Sebenarnya, beliau menyuruh saya membuat karangan ini, alkisannya kerana saya berkata kepada beliau yang saya rindu nak buat karangan Bahasa Melayu. So, here goes to Najah.

Asalnya, saya mengenali insan wonderful ini di sebuah alma mater yang disimbolkan sebagai sebuah sekolah premier dan cemerlang sesuai dengan nama panggilannya iaitu Maresmart. Adakah ianya khabar angin semata-mata? Tunggulah hari keputusan SPM 2011 pada tahun hadapan dan andalah menjadi hakim dan mengadili isu ini. Berbalik kepada cerita pokoknya, sejujurnya, saya tidak pernah terfikir nak mengenali insan ini sampailah pada suatu hari di surau belakang.

Rupa-rupanya, beliau merupakan kawan karib kepada kawan lama saya, iaitu Naurah Sofinaz. Kebetulan bukan? Mungkin tuhan sudah (crossed our path so that we can be friends until now). Pads ketika itu juga berlaku suatu insiden yang sekaligus memadamkan imej saya sebagai konon-kononnya berlagak 'cool'. Ianya berlaku apabila saya menjadi terlampau eksaited sampai kepala terlanggar mesin pemadam api. Namun, mari lihat kepada sudut yang terang (bright side), sekurang-kurangnya insiden yang dianggap memalukan dan menghumiliatedkan itu telah memecahkan suasana kaku (awkward) di antara saya dan beliau. Mungkin jugan tuhan telah menentukan ianya untuk menjadi begitu agar sinar pancaran persahabatan(sparkle of friendship) di antara kami berdua mulai berputik.

Sejak dari itu, kami berdua mulai rapat. Untuk memendekkan cerita, di mana ada Atika, di situ ada Najah. Be it, makan, prep, minum, pergi kelas blablabla semua kami lakukan bersama. Sampai suatu saat saya terdetik di hati. Saya mulai berfikir sejenak. Persahabatan saya dan dia sangatlan istimewa dan saya akan (cherish) selama-lamanya. Saya tidak mahu menjadi seperti persahabatan sesetrngah orang di mana mereka hanga bersahabat kerana duduk sama sekolah dan atas sebab tertentu, dan apabila tidak diperlukan, mereka hanya membazirkan sahaja persahabatan tersebut. Sedangkan it is a God's gift and they just waste it. Oh tidak, saya tidak akan menjadi begitu. Oleh itu saya memikirkan pelbagai perkara untuk memperkukuhkan persahabatan kami. Consider all factors, Ya, saya menggunakan teknik itu. Merumuskan segalanya (summarized it all), saya sedar jika saya asyik menjadi sangat (clingy) dengan beliau, ia boleh menjadi magnet kepada pelbagai permasalahan (problem-magnet). Hal ini demikian kerana mungkin kami akan menjadi terlampau selesa sampai melakukan perkara yang boleh menyinggung perasaan sekaligus menghapuskan rasa hormat di antara satu sama lain.

Kalian ingatlah, beapa rapatnya kalian sekalipun dengan sahabat, perasaan hormat itu harus sentiasa diamalkan. Baiklah, olen itu, masa ke semasa saya mulai menjauhkan diri daripada beliau. Jangan salah anggap, ini adalah bertujuan untuk memperkukuhkan lagi persahabatan kami dengan cara yang berbeza. Saya berharap beliau sedar dan faham dengan niat saya. Ia merupakan perkara yang baik sebenarnya, saya memberikan peluang kepada kami berdua untuk memperkukuhkan rasa hormat di antara satu sama lain. Ketahuilah bahawa saya sangat menyayangi awak, sahabat :)

Sekarang, saya dan beliau masih rapat dan masih berhubung despite the distance that separate us both. But hey, distance is only physical (: Through the retina of my eyes, you might be far away from me, but through the invisible retina of my heart, you are just beside me and I can actually feel the warmth of the friendship. Thanks for the time, energy, and money that you spent for me. Do know that I will always cherished our moments forever!

Well, Najah, Truth be told, I can't actually describe our friendship through words because it is just too wonderful to be described by words. Hihi, I'm not making up stories or being a sweet talker because I don't know how to be one, I just wrote all the words that come from my heart huhu. So before I started to write too many stuff, I should put an end to this essay.

Hihi, love you !

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Green and Red

What can I do to fix everything? What can I do to relive back the glorious phase of my life. This is beyond my reach, beyond my authority. I can do nothing except for seeing them smiling, and happy. While I suffocate. Each and every minute I've been trying to forget things and move on. Motivational words keep coming through my head, covering each and every nerve cells of my brain with the hope that it would reprogramme my brain. Hoping that the brain part wich controls my emotional would eliminate these negative feeling that keep bringing me down at best. This is unfair. Life is not unfair, only the people who is blind, selfish and words that have the same meaning is unfair. Here I am, having my sweet escape from everything that is happening in Malaysia. Here I am, going for a Vacay on purpose. Here I am, Atika Safira green with envy.

But, lets look at the positive side shall we. All these stupid shit(s) have given me a negative support. Contradiction eh? It comes from a negative emotion but it triggers positive outcomes, hopefully. I never really thought of my future, what I am really going to be later. I mean I know my goals and aim(s), which is becoming a succesful neurologist which have a clinic which serves patient with neurological diseases. And I'm sticking to that. But in addition, I've another plan, yes, a plan. I wanted to join the game later. Join the Big game of Monopoly and change a few things. Quality is the Priority. Then only we can judge other aspects. I've my plans and I'm holding on to Dasar Pandang ke Hadapan. Yes people, Pandang ke Hadapan. Each and every action that you do, or you did, or you will do, think of the consequences people. This is important. Make use of your grey matter in every action. Yes, Pandang ke Hadapan.

Tired, disgust, rage and envy,
Tika
Xxx

Saturday, December 24, 2011

D is for Drama

Alhamdulillah, I finally made it here. Yes, I'm safely arrived to the other side of the world, whereby the weather is difference, the language is different, the culture is difference, the skin color is difference. Now, this is what I called an adventure with my darling 450D, haha, mind me, I still don't have any suitable name to give to my DSLR, so I just called him darling 450D xD haha take that.

Okay so regarding to the title, Drama, yes, I've made a whole scene of so-called-typical-Malay-drama at the KLIA yesterday. Haha.


The story begins when I was in a rush to KLIA with Ma and Pa. There was not much time, as traffic jam was here and there. So, it was a close call! But I made it, my Pa is a good driver hihi. So, as I arrived at the KLIA, Emil text me saying that he could still made it if I wanted to see him for the last time. So, I said  why don't he gives it a try, who knows if he really could make it in time. So I was panic as the boarding gate is nearly close but Emil didn't appear yet. I wanted to cry, like seriously. I called him saying that he was late and I'm afraid he couldn't make it. But he said he'll make it, I don't know why he was so sure. Then it was really nearly the closing time of the gate. So I was forced to get inside, damn I really felt like crying. I didn't even get to see him. As I was entering the Aerotrain, he called saying that he's already in KLIA. And I asked if he could make it to the other side of the airport.


And when I arrived at the boarding gate, I waited patiently for his call(s), text(s). I really wanted to see him, like really. Then he text me saying that the guy won't let him in. And he really couldn't do anything ): And just about time.. the passengers were being called to go into the plane. I could do nothing... Neither did he.. Well, he said he was really sorry he couldn't make it. Yeah he called me. I don't know why but I can tell that from his voice, it really showed that he was really upset, he almost sound that he was crying? But I don't know. I couldn't bear to hear to his voice, it was really sad so I said goodbye and just text him. Well, at last, he just saw the plane flew away from the view point, and that was it. 

So much for a drama. But I was really sad.

xxx

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Cobaan

So last night I went to see the doc. Unfortunately, *sigh* bad luck. It's positive :( And my Cortisol hormone (immune booster) is low.

Sekarang ni, saya rasa sangat bersalah terhadap my parents. Because this is life time medication, and of course they have to pay for my medicine sampai lah saya ada duit sendiri.

And last night, we beli medication for 2 months since I'm going for 2 months. And guess how much does it cost?
Almost RM1,000.

T_T

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Thank God Its Friday

Hello everybody :3

So, I guess I'm all excited about the Friday thingy. Well not exactly excited, I'm feeling sad too. Well, bercampur baur lah kan like ABC. Lols. I can't really imagine myself being away from every single problems, every people that I love, hate whatever for 2 months. I'm not sure myself if I can actually handle this. Well, they say distance is only physical aite? We'll see how it goes.

Today I went out to see my beautiful friend, Nurul Aisyah Ismail. She said she wanted to surprise me with something, but it turned out that I'm the one who surprised her, hihi :P I actually can figured out what she was trying to surprise me, she is somehow predictable xP Well, I managed to go out with my headscarf on, pheww, what a day, I was not okay at first as this is something new for me, I mean going to the mall with headscarf on. Once upon a time, I always thought that wearing headscarf was so not me, so not going to happen, lol I don't know what had polluted my mind back then, haihh the power of British's propaganda, works so well among the teenagers today aite :S Alhamdulillah I managed to maintain it today, throughout the day, I hope this will last. But I'm not promising anything to my mom, or anyone. I can't say that I'm going to be like this forever, but it will be, with time. Baby steps, right?

Like what Emil said to me last time,
I asked him, saying that "I really don't know when to start, :("
The he replied, "I know when. When you are willing to change not for your parents, not for me, not for anybody, but for yourself. When you are willing to make that commitment and stick with it no matter what. And most importantly when you feel like you are ready to be the best of muslimah. Okay? When you are ready okay? Yang penting the consistency." Ahaha, his words got me thinking. And I'm really glad he's being supportive. :)

Ahah, so back to cerita dengan Aisyah, like I said, she's predictable. I knew already last night that she would surprise me by wearing her tudung, and bingo! I guess I'm good at guessing :P She looks so pretty with her tudung on :) Seems like both of us are in the same boat. Confused, dilemma, blablabla. Haha!

Tadi we watched Songlap, lol! The movie was okay, but kind of tragic, scary lah tengok life orang yang macam tu lah. Really bersyukur I dilahirkan dalam keadaan family yang okay, everything okay lah! Then after movie, met Afifahana and Anis, my two small devils from my former school. Hihi, still the same lah, kuat gossip one! So last2, I went back to Fifa's home, borak2 and reminiscing good ol' time. I miss Kubang Pasu :)

Okay enough said, and let the pictures do the talking aite. :)

The left one is Afifahana, and the right one is Aisyah.

 bahaha Aisyah nampak awkward :3

 Fifa, my best friend since 2007 yaww :D

 Aisyah kena buli dalam toilet hihihi!

 Fifa the one with Telur shape face >.<

 Good day with good friends


 Haha, yours truly


 Ok now i look so geeky with my spec on -,-"

 Bakal Accountant and Neurologist, insyaAllah :D

Yeayy :D


Okay, too many pic pun not good kan, hihi okay then
so long
cheers
xxx

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Medicine

Hello, oh I just realize how geeky I sound when I put the title 'Medicine' to this entry, but who cares :B

Medicine? Hmm, truth be told, medicine is something that I always wanted to study. In my Dream list, you can say that Medicine is on the top most thing that I wanted to pursue, hihi. Okay I'm not here to share with you guys  why I am really interested in Medicine and whatnot.

So, recently I had a fever, a bad one I guess. So, I finally decided to go to seek for medication, as I'm afraid it would be bacterial infection, or viral infection, worse. I thought antibiotic would do good to me. When consulting with the doc, alhamdulillah it was only a normal fever. But as I was about to finish with him, he said something that sent some kind of chill down to my spine, "Saya tengok awak ni macam ada penyakit lain lah.". Then he examined me upside down, and he said he wanted to share something with me. He brought out a very thick, hard cover book from his drawer entitled "Endocrinology". Then, the word 'hormone' suddenly struck through my head,-so much for a biology student like me :p

Then, he showed me few pages. There were few pictures, all symptoms, and sadly some of them matches with mine, i.e swelling eyes, i can fold my hand 90 degrees upwards, yellowing palm, and more. When the doc asked few question, and sadly again, i answered 'yes' to most of them.

One of the question he asked that got me alert; "Awak selalu tak stress? I mean eventho problem tu kecik je sebenarnya, tapi awak fikir serious sangat sampai jadi stress tak tentu hala." Whoah, YES DOCTOR, YES!!

So, summarized it all, maybe I've a disease, a common one actually, but it might get worse if its not treated. It is.. haihh hypothyroidism. Dangg, low thyroid hormone level :(. The effects are, I'll get old before time. Hair loss, Memory fading away, decrease in intelligence level, worse, maybe I can't be pregnant. Okay, that's bad. But, this disease is not confirmed yet until this Wednesday. So, yeahh just pray for the best. If not, I would take medication (its levothyroxine if I'm not mistaken, synthetic thyroid hormone) for life. That sounds.. not cool aite :/

Anyway, like I said this disease is not confirmed yet until Wednesday. Well, I'll just pray the blood test is negative hypothyroidism. >.<

Friday, December 16, 2011

One step closer.

Hello, after all the emo post(s) lol, now here I am, tak emo dah. ahaa.

So, recently I can see that lots of my friends finally change their path, to a be a better person. How can we define a 'better' person? When it comes to defining, of course there are lots of definition, points of view and opinion regarding a 'better' person. But in this case, I would like to specified on this area; wearing a headscarf.

Yes, everyone knows the fact that wearing a headscarf is something compulsory, it's not an option. But lots of people today thought there is actually an option; whether to wear or not, its their choice (including me actually). I know it is a wrong thing to do. To be honest, I live in guilt okay, every time I want to step out of the house, guilt surrounds me, part of me really wants to head back inside and wear a headscarf, but another part of me saying it's okay, maybe I'm not ready for the big change, yet. And thus majority goes to the 2nd part of me.

If you ask me, I really don't know when is actually the best time for me to change? I really should change :( But I don't know.. I'm not ready yet, this is something big, something new for me, going outside covering every single strands of my hair. I don't want to be like certain girls today. From what I observed, some people wear their headscarf because they are following the current fashion trends. For instant, some girls wear their headscarf, but they wear outfit which are not suitable for muslimah. Tight, not covering their hands, arms, transparent, those are some characteristic of clothes that are not suitable for muslimah. I don't understand why they wear headscarf just to follow the fashion trend. To me, wearing headscarf is something that is really noble, something that leads me closer to Allah, I don't need to follow the current fashion trend to be closer to Allah, do I? And when that one fine day come, I really want to change for good, I want to change my personality, my attitude, everything. I really want to be closer to my Creator.

And that is why I am kind of sad looking at some girls wearing headscarf but their personality does not represent a good muslimah. I'm not saying I'm going to be a very good muslimah, but we have to minus all the obvious negative things, kan?

Guys, please pray that I have enough strength and guts to wear a headscarf, to maintain it, and to be a better muslimah soon? And I pray that all my friends will change to a better person, from bad to good, from good to better, from better to the best. :)

xoxo

Friday, December 9, 2011

With times,

Hello there. I've come to realize that I've been running away for such a long time. Words from my mouth can be wrong or right, affected by my ego-ness, my emotion, and whatnot, but the one that comes from the heart can't never be wrong. So, here I am, spilling out the words from the heart, not affected by emotion, or egoism.

I really miss my friends back in Taiping, the 'Sopan' Crew, the budak-budak lelaki yang tak pernah nak matang, but I love them anyways. And us all, as a whole, I really miss them, like shit.



lolol, I really missed the moment we buat havoc sana sini macam orang gila, macam orang tak reti nak sedar-sedar yang SPM is just few months away, and tak sedar-sedar yang we actually dah 17 years old. Hahaha, I've got to be honest, I was hurt, I knew I was wrong, but not fully wrong, you really cannot put all the blame on me right. Oh, how I wished I could turn back time, and fixed every single shits that I made. 

Thus, with times, I really hope that I could still fix the problem, I'll try not to run away from you guys. You guys are splendid, really. But you know, there are always two sides of every stories kan. 

And I seriously owe you guys a very big apology for all my wrongdoings, hope we can clear things up. You guys are good friends <3 It's just me who maybe have masalah dalaman lol. Haha, till then okay. xoxo.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Hibernation

Yes, so called bertahannuth and hibernation.
So, last time I did tell Najah and Kiki that I will isolate myself from all of you after SPM, and that is what I'm doing right now. It seems unfair, jyeah, I've been really really sombong with my friends, especially budak budak Taiping. Well, I'm sorry that you interpret my action in the wrong way, the other way around, well maybe, if any terasa dengan saya, I'm really sorry, I just need some time alone, for a while maybe.

I'm sick. It's not that I'm running away from my problems, lol you could say that, but I'm actually taking a day, or maybe lots of days off. I'm tired, my brain needs some rest. And at this time of my life, maybe I'll concentrate more to my family, and of course me corozon. I just need to refresh everything jyeah, my brain has been contaminated with lots of negative stuff throughout this years. I just need to delete all those bad thoughts, bad comments, bad perceptions, all those bad things and only leave the good things inside my head. I'm not running away from problems, I just need some time to reboot.

I'm really weally tired, really. Huh..

I really don't know how to make everyone happy, really -_-"
I feel like dividing myself mitotically so that I could multitask, and have enough energy, power or whatever it is to make everyone happy.

And now I really feel like migrating into a new place and start everything again,
And again, I'm not running away from my problems -,-
And I'm not the type that takes things for granted
And I do cherished every moments
And I do appreciate every single good things that people did to me
And I do feels grateful that god gives me these beautiful people to always be by my side through thick and thin
And I do love them, him, her, a lot, more than they could ever imagine

And I'm a coward, yes I am. I don't really approach, Its not that I don't want to, Its because I'm scared.
I'm scared of hurting them in every way, I'm scared of losing them,
If you could see right through my heart, you will know how much I love you, how much I wanted to be around you, how much I wanted to lepak lepak and talk to you for hours, mate.


I'm just a stupid, coward girl in a mess, and I ended up don't know what to do to fix it
And I chose to keep quiet.
Hoping that you would actually know how I feel, how I see things,

I thought you understand and know me that much.